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Anxiety Series: Stories That Help Shape Our Journey - CONFESSION TIME

So I have a confession to make, holy cow, I went around to so many friends laughing because I'm SO broken some days. Seriously, there are days that when I swear Matthew 17:20 “Because you have so little faith,” He answered.“For truly I tell you,if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,‘Move from here to there,'and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”was written with me in mind some days. I am the most amazed at my lack of true faith some days, have I not been reading what I have written??


Let me start from the beginning...



SO, after writing ALL 4 parts of this series I found myself in a situation with one of my kiddos that, sigh... I literally heard in my head more than once that I needed to stop what I was doing to pray. Seriously, here I am, total mom mode as one of my kiddos NEEDED ME (they didn't I'm a mom, they needed mom to go to God on their behalf, I'll get back to that.) as they were in a "crisis" and circumstances were out of their control. I was soon to figure out mine also. I was busy calling the school and places trying to get this whole situation they were in taken care of, fixed. I found myself at dead end after dead end, the whole time literally having this conversation in my brain as it was telling me (dude it was God's prompting, the whole time) to pray first and give this to God. I have seen, and even shared here, time and time again GOD come through and yet here I was, once again attempting to drive this car off a cliff vs just follow the directions God was giving.


Guys, I kept at this WAY too long, went through SO many calls, PLEADING to get the outcome I wanted to happen for my kiddo. I wanted to be there for them, to make this better. My heart was TOTALLY in the right place, well so I thought. My HEART told me to stop all the running around and pray. God was telling me like the ghost on the top of the engine in 'The Polar Express', "take a brake kid" as it He banged on the brake.


I am SO not kidding when I tell you that I did finally listen. Not before being like a stubborn kid wanting their way, I did it all my way until I was out of options and THEN went to God. I grabbed a stick because there are no hedge balls this time of year, and after 5 minutes of discussing with God how a stick wasn't the same and didn't cut it for what I wanted to pray into, I got to the meat of the conversation with God. I gave it ALL over to him, I don't even remember throwing the stick because I kept on letting him know that I totally ignored him, that I knew better, all about this blog and then with a big deep breath in, I laid it all out on him and told him I KNEW this wasn't at all going to look like what I wanted. It was ALL on him and the only answer that was going to work was the one he had. I went back in. I had a kiddo not wanting to go to school, to practice and was even done with work. They were defeated, tired, frustrated, beat down and until that prayer, there was nothing I could do.


I walked back inside and went about my day. That afternoon my kiddo came down, not happy but leaving... for practice. I said goodbye and off they went. THEN they didn't come home from practice but went to their job. From there they came home, had conversation, then went to bed. The next morning they got up WITHOUT ME WAKING THEM, got to school ON TIME.... I stood, totally stunned... and when they left went on a whole apology with God about my wee little sad pathetic faith and seeing that mustard seed mountain moving happening. That kiddo and I had been where we were the day before, and that is NOT how it ends when mom runs that plan, despite all my heart and best mommy efforts, that is NOT how we end that story. my mountain was moved and I PROMISE you a mustard seed was probably the size of truly what I had at the point I went to him.


I just need to share that anxiety is something that we all face, I GUARANTEE I have witnesses to that as I was fighting so hard for my kiddo in all the wrong places. I am SO thankful and grateful for a God that saw that, reminded me, and through ABUNDANT grace, come through for me, LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES, when I FINALLY sought him and was "anxious for nothing".


I hope this helps to see we are in this together, I have my battle grounds as you do. I can tell you I GET anxiety, I GET frustration, I GET how hard this is. I also COMPLETELY GET what God says, as he lovingly and frequently calls us to him. He calls us to be anxious for nothing and cast out cares on him. He is there and waiting. It's not too late to seek him out. It takes work yet, isn't that work so much more fruitful than the work we do that leads to more worry, more heartache and outcomes that aren't nearly what they are when God leads?

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